Please Fix This

Anyone who knew my husband , knew that he was incredibly intelligent, a thinker , I would go so far as describing him as a true Renaissance man. He was my Fixer. From the very first time we met, at the gym, he was there to help me use the equipment. I was in graduate school and he helped me type my papers. I would soon learn that if a task needed to be completed, big or small, Glenn was my go to person, and…he was the go to person for many people and for many reasons.

Lets see, if one needed help moving furniture, no problem, of course it goes without saying , any computer issue was basically resolved at first tap of the keyboard. Glenn’s ability to fix things went far beyond technical issues, he was his families go to for financial advice, mortgage questions, paperwork filings, and for matters of the heart and hurt, he once again rose as a leader, whether it was mediating a disagreement, handling a crisis of any sort or managing funeral arrangements , along with the stressors that go with these things. He took care of everything and everybody, he fixed things.

So here I am , trying desperately to function in this world without Glenn. It seems every step forward there are 3 more back. Every corner I turn, there is something new to navigate. From lightbulbs, to fire alarms, boilers to water tanks, rodents to lawncare, bills to financial planning. It never ends, instead it just keeps coming like waves of To Do lists. These waves rush in to remind me once again , the gravity of my loss, our girls loss, the world’s loss of Glenn. I can’t fix this, Glenn was the Fixer, of everything big and a million things small, from the moment I met him at Gold’s Gym, to the very last days of his life here on earth, he dug his heels in and lived that role, wore that title like a badge of honor. The irony of his role and the one thing he couldn’t fix, is not lost on me. No, it is not lost, it smacks me in the face, stings like a burn that just wont heal every morning of every day that I get the gift of opening my eyes to this world and life that I must learn to live in without my Fixer, my Go To person, my best friend, my heart, my soul, my everything.